Blog

May 24: I had a fun time at San Francisco to last week.  We'll pretend that the overnight stay in the hospital didn't happen. I really appreciate John Holtzclaw letting me crash at his apartment for the week.  I have to come up with a suitable way to return the favor. there was sadness at the end, when I realized this may be my last trip to San Francisco.  So now I am back home with lots of catching up to do.  I have reached the point of realizing that the end could come at any time without warning or any opportunity to say goodbye.  With luck I may have a few seconds to realize the end is here, without having time to feel any pain.  If I check out more or less peacefully, that is all I can hope for. Lift a round (or several) in my honor, then go back to fighting the bad guys.  

May 10: Jennie Coyle at the Sierra Club and one quasi anonymous reader both came up with the right Ben Franklin quote. It is "As to Jesus, he commented, 'I have some doubts as to his divinity, though it is a question I do not dogmatize upon, having never studied it, and think it needless to busy myself with it now, when I expect soon an opportunity of knowing the truth with less trouble.'"

Side effects continue to be minimal.  We lost the vote on the smoking ban, thanks to two Democrats from Adams County selling us out.  They were Stephanie Takis and Lois Tochtrop.  We'll remember.

May 9: Me, a preacher?  Hard to believe.  However, the Unitarians just called.  I attend First Unitarian of Denver.  I've been asked to be part of a tag team that presents the June 12 sermon.  I get to spend 5-7 minutes on something titled "Of this much I'm sure".  I intend to discuss my struggles with the issue of life after death.  Scary, and a challenge.  Of course, I accepted immediately.  I even have my start and finish laid out already.  If anyone has the proper quote from Benjamin Franklin on his death bed, he was reported to have said something along the lines of "You needn't convince me right now of life after death.  If there is, I will find out for myself very soon".  If you have the quote or a link to it, email me.  Who says I am too old for new experiences.

May 7: Oh wow.  Apria showed with my O₂ last night around 10:30 PM.  There was a noticeable improvement in my night's sleep, and no headache from "altitude sickness" when I woke up this morning.  I had no shortness of breath or hyperventilation over night.  I still woke up briefly at my usual two times, but when right back to sleep each time.  At 6:30 I woke up refreshed and alert.  I would say that Dr. Restrepo nailed my problem perfectly.  

May 6: Back on Apr 29, I had an x-ray. The x-ray tech and Dr. Mughal decided that I had a large pleural effusion in my left lung, interfering with breathing. I got a referral to the pulmonology department at Kaiser.  Dr. Restrepo took a look at that x-ray and my most recent CT and expressed doubt that it was a pleural effusion.  She had them do another X-ray from a different angle.  She decided that the evidence pointed to lung wall damage from radiation treatments, and that the lower lobe of my left lung was failing to open when I inhaled.  Instead of a thoracentisis, the indicated treatment for a pleural effusion, I needed oxygen at night and when I was active.  That has been ordered, and Apria will be showing up this evening.  She expressed optimism that I can proceed with my trip to SF without O₂.  Permanent oxygen at altitude is not what I wanted to hear, but so be it. 

May 3: I testified in the Health and Human Services Committee yesterday in favor of the state smoking ban (SB05-207). We got the strengthening amendment that we wanted first.  End vote was 8-5, with one unexpected Republican from my area that I had been working on voting our way although we thought we had him in the NO column.  The session has 8 days to go.

Apr 29: I was supposed to have chemotherapy yesterday.  It is standard practice to have a blood test the morning before chemo to make sure that I can tolerate it.  For the first time since starting chemo in June, 2001, I flunked the blood test and had chemo cancelled.  The problem was some of my liver numbers.  Dr. Mughal wasn't too concerned and expects me to be back to normal by next week. He even told me that although my liver has significant lesions and these were liver numbers that were the problem, it was still okay to drink.  

Apr 23: Democrats have a new breakfast, which I attended.  This one is much closer to home. On May 14 I will be part of an environmental panel at a pancake breakfast. My task will be a post mortem on the 2005 legislative session.  I stole my sister Suzi's description of 1%-er's and will use that again on the 14th.  I think that is a Republican weak point.  Accepting that their opinion is honestly held that life begins at conception, her observation is that the Republican position is that life ENDS at birth. How else can you explain their various votes against protecting life once it is out of the womb?  She calls them 1%-er's because they are only interested in protecting the first one percent of your life span.  Once born, you are on your own until the day that you enter a hospice and get placed on a feeding tube.  Then they'll see the publicity benefits of preventing you from dying peacefully and step in again.  Why can't they act to protect the health of children and adults and make the feeding tubes, etc unnecessary?  

Apr 19: I updated my slide show this morning.  We're now looking at a 38M file, so don't download on a dialup.

We just got the word that Lance Armstrong is retiring after this year's Tour de France.  No real surprise there. Lance has been an inspiration to cancer patients everywhere. I hope my body holds together long enough to watch him win one last time this june and july.

Apr 16: Got a full night's sleep last night for the first time in awhile.  Finally have the pain meds worked out right.  For those of you who discovered that I had bad links to the power point presentations, those are now fixed.  I spent some time today scanning more photos for mine.  Zipping images only provides about 10% compression, so I won't bother with that. That means that my ppt file will be 33M.  Only download if you have a broadband connection.  I also spent some time today on thinks like putting together a death notice list for email and a memoriam page for my web site.

Apr 13: Latest coverage on the smoking bill.  Those of us who work on environmental issues in Colorado really need to recognize the awesome work that Susan Lefever does for us.  My testimony continues to dominate coverage, thanks in large part to her prep work with the media in the hall outside the hearing before it started.

Appetite remains.  I ate a full breakfast.  Pain issues continue to prevent me from getting a full night's sleep. 

Apr 12: Yesterday I testified in the Colorado State Senate during their hearing on the Grossman non-smoking ordinance.  Thanks in part to the yeoman work of Susan Lefever, our Sierra Club lobbyist, my testimony got the most coverage in most media outlets. If you want to see a video clip of some of my testimony,  Channel 4 (CBS) led with it on their nightly news last night. Go here and click on the video clip option.  One outlet got one minor point wrong, claiming that I was a restaurant worker.

For some good news, I should note that yesterday I was in the position of having been unable to keep solid food down for several days. Weight was plummeting, and it looked like the end was pretty near.  Today, I successfully ate a full lunch at Wild Ginger.  Perhaps the new chemo regimen (gemzar and navelbine) is working the way it is supposed to.  The way I feel today, I am fully confident that I'll make it to the national Sierra meeting in San Francisco next month.  Last night and early this morning, I was pretty sure that I was on my last legs.  

On Saturday, the Colorado Sierra Club elected me as part of its delegation to the Summit this fall.  Reportedly, I was the top vote getter.  I have doubts that I will still be alive then, but I am honored regardless.  I'm struggling with the question of whether to book flights and what not.  I think I'll wait.

I just added a link to an information source on gemzar and navelbine on the left side of the page.  

Apr 8: New chemo starts today.  I'll post more on that as it becomes available.  The pain operation was a success. They killed the nerve on my 10 rib on my left side, significantly reducing my pain levels. As a result of that, my pain med use has also fallen way off.  The extra 60 mg dosages of morphine have just stopped.  Meanwhile, oxycoden is down from 4-5 dosages a day to 2 dosages a day.

On Sunday I did a fast trip to the emergency room. I think I have a tumor compressing my esophagus. Attempting to swallow a chunk of meat proved almost fatal.  Fortunately, Gloria and I partially cleared things up so that air could get through, then I headed for the emergency room.  A couple of miracle meds later, and I was cured.  The hospital wants my doctor to have a scope stuck down my throat to see what they can see.  That process starts Monday.

My dad's funeral happened on Tuesday.  At family and minister request, I presented the eulogy.  On advice of counsel, some photos have been removed from the power point presentation. Suffice it to say that his last wishes were carried out in detail.  I'd like to thank my niece Kat for her assistance in putting together the power point slide show. I liked it, and the one that Josie's family did for her father, so much that I decided that I wanted one at my funeral.  Mine is very much still a work in progress.  I have to go back to all the pre digital camera photos, get them scanned in, get a few awards and whatnot either scanned or photographed, etc.  I have 5.7 months to do that, so I can take my time.  Any suitable photographs can be scanned and sent to me via e-mail. I have a DSL line, so I can handle the high quality ones that absorb bandwidth.

I've started meeting with my minister to design the ceremony.  I selected my favorite reading from Edward Abbey, along with Amazing Grace on the bagpipes and Josie doing the aria from Wagner where the Valkyries (collectors of the dead) welcome the warriors into Valhalla.   Anyone interested in a good history of Wagner and the Ring Cycle can read it.   I think other than that I just want my friends to have a good time talking about me and having a few drinks.  Tom at Pint's has promised an appropriate supply of adult beverages.  He just needs to know when and where.

Apr 1: Late breaking news My father died.  He was in the hospital with pneumonia. He was not a well person before he went in. He had diabetes, which had cost him part of one of his legs. He was also suffering from Alzheimers and senility.  His heart stopped.  The doctors tell us that the diabetes had weakened his heart to the point where the pneumonia was the final straw.  We were never close, so I don't know how I really feel.   The funeral is on Tuesday in Illinois and I will be there.  My brother Richard is going to meet me at the airport. We're also trying to make arrangements to get Jim there. He has to figure out how to get to Trinidad to catch a train.  Now comes the kicker - his government approved ID is expired.  Post 9-11, you have to have an internal passport to travel in the United States.  You'd think this was Russia or something.  What the heck are we supposed to do?  

Apr 1: Life seriously sucks, and no, this is not an April Fools joke.  The C/T results yesterday show significant increase in the cancer in the liver.  They are starting me on another round of chemo next week.  I went out to the web sites that have information on the chemo agents being used. They are intended for palliative care only.  There is no serious hope for recovery.  Median survival for anyone on this program is 5.7 months.  It's been a good ride, but it is over.  This is when I start saying good bye to people.  No, I don't want to be kept alive on a respirator unconscious with no hope of returning to consciousness.  No, there is no reason to stretch things out.  I'll keep my hand in things as long as practical, but I've probably voted in my last election. I may have seen my last Broncos game.  I'll keep posting here with status updates. I'll be in San Francisco for my last circus meeting this May.

Mar 30: Yesterday I went to the Kaiser pain experts. They experimented with deadening a nerve associated with my #10 rib on the left side.  That rib is totally involved in the cancer, and site of the worst of my pain.  The fluoroscope copy here doesn't do it justice, but it was pretty obvious looking at it where the problem was.  The experimental deadening worked. I go back Monday to make it permanent.  Incredible how well it worked.  I only wish that they could do it faster than Monday.  Also, Gloria got a new job today.  She starts tomorrow. 

Mar 27: This is going to be an eventful week for me.  I had a C/T scan on Thursday after the return from Florida. Between increased pain, loss of appetite, and some other signs, I think the C/T is going to show that the cancer has spread or grown. The oncology clinic is not happy with the increased quantities of pain killers I am recently taking, so they arranged for me to meet with pain specialists on Tuesday afternoon.  Then on Thursday my oncologist will meet with me to review the C/T results.  After church today, my minister commented that he had been expecting to hear from me.   I told him a few weeks ago that I felt the slide starting and thought at the time had come to begin the next discussions.  My psychologist also thinks that I am at that stage.  So on Monday I will call him and set up a couple of appointments. We'll talk about the details. Susan Thornton will open with Amazing Grace on the bagpipes, something I've wanted ever since I saw it done for Payne Stewert before the Masters a few years ago.  We'll close with Josie Noble and the valkyries welcoming the warrior into Valhalla.  I'm listening to it now as I write this.  Gloria has reminded me that Josie's dad died, and his funeral is tomorrow. So you see, my week will be full.

I will be attending the circus meeting in May. I had sufficient frequent flyer miles, and have found a friend willing to host me for the event, so I won't be spending money on a hotel.  See you there.

My father is in the hospital with pneumonia.  Unfortunately, he is also senile.  The oxygen tube in his nose annoys him, so he keeps pulling it out.  He may survive without it. He may not.  Every time the nurses discover it they put it back in, but if he is awake he fights them.  Maybe wrist restraints are in order. On the other hand, if he is trying to kill himself because life isn't worth living any more, should we prevent him?  With all his ills he may be making the right decision for himself.  In his shoes, I might make the same decision.  My aunt, his sister, is a hospice nurse.  I think I'll discuss it with her.  She may have ideas.

Mar 5: This evening was spent at the annual state Democratic dinner.  I lived in Fort Wayne, Indiana from the time I was three years old until early in eighth grade.  Two days after the November, 2004 election I obtained my "Bayh for President - 2008" bumper sticker and button, and a "Don't Blame Me, I voted for Kerry" bumper sticker.  Wearing that button made it easy for me to get my photo with the keynote speaker, Indiana Senator Birch Bayh.  While I was at it, I got my picture taken with local friends as well. Carolyn was elected state party secretary today. She's our former county chair and works for Mark Udall.  Diana is also our former county chair, and now serves on the Littleton school board.

We're off for the Caribbean in a few days.  I'm out of here.

This morning I spent some time wandering around the hills of Douglas County.  There is a proposal to put a water storage reservoir on some open space in the foothills. I was there getting photos and walking the site.  On Monday I will testify at the state house of representatives  before leaving town.

Feb 21: 1429 days until Dubya is gone.  I've been spending some time down at the capitol stirring things up. I had a chance to testify at the e-voting hearing last Thursday, but it looks like the bill is moving away from what we want rather than closer to what we want.  Susan Lefever is doing her usual marvelous job as our Sierra lobbyist, which means that most of my lobbying has been for my professional org.  So far, I have testified for AITP on e-voting and Sierra Club on water.  Our waste committee this year is providing solid feedback to Susan on waste bills, and she's getting the job done with our information.  I'm pleased with the way that we're functioning. There is a chance that we'll get a state non-smoking bill this session.  It hasn't been introduced yet, so I don't know if it will be good or bad, but that is one that I fully intend to testify on.  Whether it is for myself or for the Club doesn't matter - I want to put a face on the statistics of people dying from second hand smoke.  I think Angie from Old Chicago will want to be there too.

I'm moderating a debate list for the Sierra Club BOD elections. One of the candidates is upset that his posts triggered my twit filter.  Nothing annoys him more than being ignored, it seems.    

Feb 14: Happy Valentines Day.  The doctor gave me some albuteral for the wheezing that took care of it.  I interviewed for a temp position with KGNU doing their systems administration work, and am so glad they turned me down. I wasn't up for it.  I feel the health dragging most days.

We're still talking about going to Wales in May.  Nothing firm yet.

Jan 22: Ugh. Two days into Dubya's second term.  The world is still here.  I understand that we're closing our borders more and more.  I already have my Evan Bayh in 2008 bumper sticker and button.

A week ago. I agreed to chair the chapter's solid waste committee.  I went into the excomm meeting planning to be the Recycle IT chair, but solid waste was vacant, so I agreed to tackle it.  We'll see what happens going forward.

Jan 9: It's half time at the Broncos / Colts game.  The Colts have picked up where they left off last year. I have no intention of answering the phone anytime soon, since I know it will be brother John wanting to rub it in. Definitely no fun. This is not our year to ride the wild card berth into the Super Bowl.

I think I'm putting a call into the doctors tomorrow. I am getting some wheezing when I lay down.  Also my pain levels are up some.  Of course, pain levels for any Broncos fan after that first half will be up some.  Think I'll go get some movies. 

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